Being a single parent is both a difficult and a proud moment for someone who has been able to raise his or her child alone.
One proud parent is Facebook user Effy Padunan who shared her struggles and fulfillment of raising her child after the father of her baby girl left her when she was pregnant.
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"This goes out to all the single moms out there and people who said 'Nasan daddy ni Arya?' 'Bakit wala siang daddy?' 'Edi broken family kayo?' 'Kawawa naman yung anak mo walang daddy' 'Would've been better if my dad si Arya' 'Sayang naman'
A year ago (5.22.16), my ex-boyfriend left. I was 10 weeks pregnant then. We had plans; he said he would come back which I shortly realized he only said it so I'd let him go. We were together for a year and a half and like if he comes back, we would get back together and everything would be perfect. That was really how I hoped it would be. Hindi naman masama na umasa diba? For a few nights I cried myself to sleep because paano na? And for so long, I grabbed on to the thought that one day, babalik sia because we're having a baby. A baby should keep the relationship together right? Plot twist: That's not how it works.
I was not okay. I was scared and sad and depressed. Home even started to feel like a strange place; I cried at everything that reminded me of us. I had to leave so I stayed with my Dad in Cavite and while I was there, my friends would call to ask how I was, if I was okay... yadda yadda. And then one day, I received a facebook message with a picture saying "hala bakit may bago na yata siang girlfriend?". I didn't care enough to look at the photo until a month later kasi I didn't wanna get hurt. At first masakit, syempre. But like the more I look at it, the angrier I get because, really? It hasn't even been a month since we broke up and then this? A new girl? To think na buntis ako? Wtfff? But then that's when I thought, my parents were right all along (trust me they're always right lol). It was like a b*tch slap on my face.
I woke up one day and looked at myself in the mirror; I looked tired and unhealthy and yuck from all the crying and overthinking and stuff. "This is not me." So I decided to get my sh1t together; I got a haircut, I started eating for two, I finished reading the whole series of A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones; which has like a thousand page each book btw). My dad even got me a cat which we gave away after a few months because he got himself a german shepherd (and because my cat's an as$hole lol) . I spent more time with my family and I woke up one day, I was okay again. I was happy again.
Come november, I gave birth to a healthy 3kg baby girl via C-section and just as I expected, she turned out looking just like him. I was happy though, and sad because if he was here, it would've been perfect because I've dreamed of having a complete and happy family of my own, don't we all? I cried again for quite some time but I stopped because, what for? I have a healthy and pretty baby girl, my parents and the whole family are very supportive, we're well provided for and the list goes on and on. What's one person's absence compare to all the love we get from the whole fam? Right?
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If we're friends then you've probably heard me say, "Wala, patay na." or "Wala akong pake dun." Truth is, I probably only said that because there was a time when I was so hateful (and mostly because I tried to avoid the subject quite a lot) because of the fact that Arya will grow up without a dad. When you've gone through so much, you will one day learn how to forgive people who never apologized and that's okay. We have home and a family that loves and supports us. Arya's biological father is not present but she has more dads than she can count and more moms than she already have so there's no need to ask and talk about things that aren't there. I wake up everyday with a loving and pretty and fat little girl right next to me whose face instantly lights up the moment I say "good morning!" even when it's not actually morning and I go to bed every night with a tiny human being snuggled up to me. I thank God for everything that has happened to us since and I pray that Arya's father is just as happy as I am. It's not sayang. It was the right choice and it was for the best. It's not "would've been better" because everything got even better when Arya came into this world. She's not kawawa and she will never be. Our family isn't broken and even when her biological father is missing, I know one day she will understand what true love is in the way her grandparents kept our family together.
When you become a parent, you will appreciate the littlest of things. Like really appreciate them. Two years ago I spent most of my time past midnight; going out, drinking and all sorts of things but now, a 3-hour uninterrupted sleep can make me happy af! I have changed a bunch of dirty nappies at 4am with one eye open, slept with milk soaked tshirt, cried in chorus with arya and the list goes on. Motherhood has taught me so much and I am confident to say that I have grown as a person. Seeing things from a mother's perspective made me love my mom even more. How she would always tell me na "Dadating ang araw na maiintindihan mo din lahat ng sinasabi ko sayo." She was right. Now mas mahal ko yung mom ko, dad ko, ate ko lahat ng mga kapatid ko. They're the ones who took all the responsibilities and that's not something anyone can put a price on.
Pregnancy shouldn't end things for us women because life goes on and I will never tell anyone to "not have a baby" because babies are gifts! Arya has given me a new and happier life; It's hard, but it's a whole new world motherhood that is. She found me when I was lost and after all, I kicked PPD (Post-partum depression) in the b*tt bc of her. It's not always rainbows and unicorns and it may be overwhelming oftimes but at the end of the day, when she gives me that look so pure, so sincere and full of love, I'm okay again. I'd take all the more mama snuggles over anything in the world. Being a mother is hard but that doesn't mean you should be hard on yourself too! Go take that walk! Paint your nails, have that hair treatment, go wear that pointy shoes, put on that red lipstick!
I'm a single mom and haven't finished college and yes, I will get back to that one day but for now I'm just Arya's mum."
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