– Lianne Stokes didn’t lose her virginity until she was 30 years old
– With every year she feared more and more of relationship and sexual contact with men
– But on the eve of her 30th birthday everything had changed, and now Stokes hopes some people would be able to learn from her story
“My father starts every conversation by asking ‘Do you hunt?’ I grew up with a cartoon-character version of what men are like,” says Stokes. “I was never able to relate to boys.”
She was very quiet and feared men both in school and university. While everyone was dating and boozing around Stokes was just reading books and stuff. Even at her work, in the glamorous oversexed world of television, she still felt like a misfit.
Nearing 30, Stokes was still a virgin.
On the eve of her 30th birthday, Stokes decided it was time to “rip the Band-Aid off.” She realized the perfect guy was never going to come along in New York. So, a week later, upon meeting a ginger-haired Scottish man at the Williamsburg restaurant Sea, she took the plunge and went home with him.
“After asking me to buy drinks, he said, ‘Don’t expect too much.’ I said ‘Oh! You’re breaking ground for a whole new string of lowered expectations.’ ” For their time between the sheets, he put on a special mix CD he’d made called “babes in the bed.”
“I joined in when I was ready,” says Stokes about losing her virginity. “It took me years to realize that was part of my charm. When you’re an oddball, you feel left out. Then you realize everyone around you admires that you’re not like everyone else. They weren’t judging me. I was holding my own self back.”
Now she is 37 living in Austin, Texas. Stokes wrote a book about her experience and now is hoping people can learn from her story.