You might want to try these 8 awesome alternatives to sex

You might want to try these 8 awesome alternatives to sex

You might want to try these 8 awesome alternatives to sex

When that hot blonde across the bar looks at you and instead of looking back and giving a James Bond-esque one-liner, your life experiences start calculating the costs and headaches of the ordeal, as you glance at your watch, make a face as if you’re late and run off to your imaginary “board meeting”. While you’re running a thought crosses your mind: “I’m such a lazy guy!”

It seems as though just yesterday, you had the strength and will, but today it just seems so not worth it. You’re on the right path and soon all this bustle will seem totally irrelevant to you. Here are some alternatives for guys who just don’t care for sex anymore.

Good Food

Any man with some self-respect can’t live without good food, but when you’re young you just don’t have the time to be picky about what you eat. Now you can eat whatever you like and more. The size of the portions will grow and in time you will really get the hang of it.

Pros:

After having a good meal you’re eyelids will feel like lead. Your body needs to digest all the delight. You’re too full to even look at women.

Cons:

You might start to notice that you’ve gained some weight.

TV

A glorious invention for true followers of the first point. No erotic movies or melodramas, they accentuate wrong ideas and might even break you towards the dark side. The best programs are about politics and analytical shows.

Pros:

There’s no better way to fall asleep. The ramblings of the analysts and hosts are like lullaby’s as you drift away to sleep.

Cons:

You might become politicized and nervous, and might even begin to consider a career in politics.

The Internet

The internet is for a younger crowd that need more control over what the TV can provide.  You have more choices on the internet on what to read or watch, but remember nothing erotical, only political news and economics! Spend more time on forums and chats discussing politics and other abstract topics.

Pros:

You’re always “in”, you know what’s happening inside your country and outside. Friends might start asking you about where to invest money and stock prices.

Cons:

Your awareness starts to scare you a little. Ideas about getting a career in politics are becoming obsessive.

Reading

This one is for the most conservative. It’s time to remember your school years and that literature program you skipped out. Nothing new, only classical literature.

Pros:

Reading trains your mind, gives birth to ideas, ideas become reality.

Cons:

Reading while lying is bad for the eyes, sitting is uncomforatble

Work

It’s the perfect time to get down to business. You know have time for late night meetings, spending the night in your office, reading up on all the documents, thinking and analyzing and doing all the work in short amounts of time.

Your employees will soon see your zealous attitude towards your job and will soon be infected by it. You won’t even notice that you’re climbing to the top of the career ladder.

Pros:

Building a career was so simple…

Cons:

You’ll start to feel your health waning from all the hard work

Hunting

A good pastime for those with grandpa’s double barrel and few days off. It’s recommended to take a couple of friends with you. Fresh air, picnics and sometimes even catching some prey is good for your health. This is no place for women!

Pros:

Spending quality time with your friends is always worth it. If you don’t tyrannize your body with to many ‘spirit-boosting’ drinks it’s even good for your health.

Cons:

Prepare yourself for the costs of hunting. Hunting for more than three days can lead you directly to point number ten of our article.

Fishing

This is relaxing recreation for those who like to daydream. All you need is a clean body of water and some fishing gear. As you sit in silence watching your fishing bob the world around you will slowly disappear.

Pros:

The fish! The fresh air is good for your health and calm process relaxes your nerves.

Cons:

As long as you choose the weather perfectly there should be no cons.

Sport

If you’re young enough this is a perfect way to let off some steam. When you train heavy enough you’ll start to feel the flood of endorphins. The best sport is the one you always felt like pursuing when you were younger: tennis, wrestling, bodybuilding, etc.

Pros:

Your body will start to feel younger the more you train

Cons:

Women of all ages will start to look your way again.

 

The conclusions are quite disappointing – there are alternatives to sex, but they all end up with you either in the hospital bed or in politics.

Related news

Go ate! Ces Oreña-Drilon owns a Marcos supporter

Go ate! Ces Oreña-Drilon owns a Marcos supporter

Go ate! Ces Oreña-Drilon owns a Marcos supporter