What happens when you want something in bed from your partner, but they are slow to grant it? Do you just give up, but keep wanting it? There is a better way!
This way is called negotiation. Both men and women have all kinds of rather innocent things they want in bed. Unfortunately those desires do not always fall in line in the couple. So, why not negotiate what you want?
Let’s get a practical example. A man likes to do little spanking of the bums of his wife, but she does not fancy the idea. On the other hand, she wants him to do more gentle kissing or to get a longer foreplay. He can start pushing his idea through and she can be mad with him and upset for not meeting her needs. This way leaves everyone unhappy and angry.
How about negotiating it? A woman can say: well, you can do little spanking If you want it so much, but first we kiss as long as I want or do the foreplay my way. And the other way around. You can exchange favors in bed. That is not a bad idea, not at all!
She gets what she wants and feels less resilient about giving him what he covets. Everyone is happy. And once you try those things, who knows, you may become rather fond of them. It may turn out little spanking turns her on, too. And longer kissing makes him come in a hotter fashion.
Practical tips on sex negotiations:
- Sit down and chat
- Gently state your request
- No anger or strong emotions
- Never accuse your spouse of anything
- Do not tell what makes you unhappy, but talk of what makes you happy instead
- Be polite
- Be an active listener and mirror what s/he says to you
- Offer valid exchange options for what you want
- Be willing to go an extra mile and pay the price
- Set up boundaries (the things you can do and the things you can't and won't)
- Be loving
Bed is a great place for experiments and negotiations. It is a give and take game. Everyone losses when they push their ideas through, but everyone wins, when you do little favors in exchange.