When you’re in a relationship, sometimes it gets difficult to be objective. Sometimes we are overwhelmed with how amazing our partners are, the years poured into the relationship, the memories you’ve both created. These are beautiful things to hold on to but sometimes they’re not enough, and worst is, sometimes they cloud your judgment.
I was recently in a 5 year relationship with a man who I was pretty sure was the love of my life. I thought I would carry his babies, and I thought I had found a man who I was willing to spend the rest of my life with. Don’t get me wrong, he isn’t perfect, nor was he the epitome of evil. But over the years I learned that it was far more important to understand early on that the person you are with now, may not be the right one for you, and that you will have to learn to let that person go.
So this is me sharing 4 signs that told me he wasn’t the right one for me:
1. People kept telling me I’ve changed
It was weird at first, because I was in great denial. I was pretty sure I was the same person. Sure I had different priorities, sure I preferred hanging out with my man over my friends, sure I spent less time partying, but I was pretty sure I was the same person. This is really difficult because when your friends keep insisting you’ve changed because of your partner, you tend to be defensive and eventually adversarial. Trust me this is how it went at first. Later on I realized that people started making sense. I noticed how my partner made it really impossible for me to make my own decisions. It seemed like he wanted to control every move I make, and it seemed like he wanted to change me into someone who I’m not. I’m sure he had my best interest at heart but ladies, believe me when I tell you that you should be with a man who will allow you to grow on your own, commit your own mistakes, and, still love and accept you right after.
2. You start preferring other people’s company
In the early part of the relationship, you find yourself wanting to spend every single day with your partner. It’s all too exciting and being with him is just so exhilarating. Later on it’s only natural that you both wouldn’t be spending as much time as you did early on. That isn’t the deal breaker yet. But when you’ve reached the point where other people’s company seems to be more appealing to you because being with your partner is either routinary, boring, and toxic, that is when you know you ought to be with someone else.
3. Your world revolves around him
Ladies trust me, when it seems like there is no world outside him, you’re in big trouble. Sometimes love and relationships can be really overwhelming, and a lot of us ladies tend to be submissive. It’s not our fault, traditional filipino set up dictates that we should submit to our men. In fact, the church’s view of the sacrament of marriage also dictates a wife to submit to the husband. But come on, we live in a more modernized progressive era, where women are more empowered. You too have to step up.
Think of it this way, if you always concede to what he wants, and if you make him feel that he is your entire world, chances are he will take you for granted. He’s going to go along thinking that he can screw up and it’ll be okay because you can’t go on without him. If you find yourself thinking that he is everything, you’re screwed.
4. You find yourself browsing the net for articles like this
Yep, during my last relationship I found myself reading a lot of blogs, articles, magazines and whatever reading materials I could find just to look for advice. I felt unsure, I was afraid, and I didn’t have the answer to all these uncertainties. You know he is the right one for you if he makes you feel certain. But if you have to find the sense of security and answers in articles like this, you better think twice, girl.